The Paper Train Express : Epitome

With quitting my job as of yesterday, I thought I was due for a serene end of summer to relax before schools return.
But of course as life goes, chaos strikes when you least expect it.

So my kitchen flooded.

Essentially, I was taking a shower. Upon finishing, I heard a light water stream noise. My first thought was my dog had done something, but upon going downstairs I was greeted by water seeping down all the lights in the kitchen. The floor was ankle deep in water and the counter/island was drenched.
Long story short I flipped and got my cousin and we cleaned it up and shut off the water and water heater.
We did some preliminary diagnostics (Read: we put water down my bathtub drain with main off) and found it seems to be from the intake line, meaning the main must stay off until it is repaired.
Which the repair requires opening access to the pipe running under the second floor. Which means we need a plumber most likely.
Which means until further notice, no water. No showers. No dishwasher. No washing machine. No sinks. No running toilets.

Welcome to the Paper Train Express.