Longpost is loooooooooong

As the post title suggests, I have a bunch to post about. Then again, I haven't posted in almost a week, so it's not really surprising that I would have much to report on.


First, about the brick wall post. There was no reason behind it, but I had convinced myself that that post should be the final post. As you might have figured, I changed my mind. I figured it should be the final post because I convinced myself that PTE posts were stupid, that I was uninteresting and that posting was a waste of time. Whether I was right about that or not, what I did find was that I was slowly getting more and more eager to post. And that showed me that PTE posting wasn't about giving something for the subscribers to read. It wasn't something I HAD to do. It's choice. Posting here is just a way to blow off whatever is on my mind without caring who reads it. So I decided now that I will probably continue posting til I actually get sick of posting.

Second, I don't know what happened this week. PTE wasn't the only thing I had convinced myself a weird opinion on. I also had convinced myself that I had made one of my friends hate me. And what makes this strange is how I hadn't made such an assumption since middle school. Back then I had no confidence and basically would assume everyone hated me for reasons that didn't even exist. I don't even know why I did it, in some strange way I think it gave me peace of mind. Though now that I look back on it, it probably wasn't even doing that for me, it was just making me feel more like a loser. As my bro pointed out, it's not exactly a healthy way of thinking anyway.
Third, Besides kicking up old habits, I also reflected on myself and my life. Now this doesn't seem like something oh-so-amazing, but it's good to do once in a while. I realized my lifestyle is not the greatest, but I seem to be alright with it, so I should stick with it. With the way it is, you could label me 1000 different things, from loner to loser to lazy to shy, but I don't actually care. Though I wish life wasn't as anti-climatic as it is. Seriously, I want fun things to happen, not drama, but not even drama ever happens. Maybe I'll fix that later.

Forth, My bro gave me good advice. Because of my assuming and my reflecting, I brought upon myself a depressed state-of-mind, where I contemplated why I even get out of bed in the morning. Because of this state-of-mind, I acted like an emo kid, whiny and irritating and quiet and not very socialable. Then I told my bro a few of my problems and he ignored what I said and continued on with his news. At first this kind of ticked me off, because I thought he was just trying to be a self-centered asshole. But the next day when we chatted I realized he was helping me by not sympathizing for me. Why should he? I had no real problems. I was whining like some 11 year old girl. Not acting like a man. So after that, I started to think about why I thought my life was so terrible and why I thought people hated me and it lead to a personal philosophizing journey to figure out what had led me to that state.


Fifth, After my depressed state had gone and I was philosophizing things, I stumbled upon one thought. This thought is too personal to disclose here though.

Sixth, Now that I got the deep stuff out of the way, lemme tell the regular news. The coffee cup is complete, It looks like trash and yet I love it. Business Penguin Episode 2 script was read over by my bro and from what he's told me, I should make it despite whatever he or anyone else says. I think there is a certain degree of wisdom in that.


Finally, I have a image posting board called cafe-chan. Nobody posts there because nobody likes it, and nobody ever visits. I'd love to turn it into something interesting and actually get a few visitors or posts every once in a while, but I have no ideas. I don't have any idea what I'm going to do with it either. I can either leave it for 30 days straight and hope the administrators delete it, or do something worthwhile with it. Right now, it is the same as it was in 2009 when the service was temperarily cancelled due to misuse by other members. All I do is ban everyone that posts because nobody posts there anyone so theres nobody to ban, and hell, if anyone posted I probably wouldnt ban them anyway. (Unless they wanted me to, it's fun being banned in a sadistic way >:D ) If anyone has any advice on what I should do, feel free to speak your mind.