I've often wondered if its supposed to be a chronicling of my life, a mean of communication for those who don't normally talk to me, or both as entertainment.
I hate PTE.
I don't hate it because of its design.
I don't hate it because its ran through a parent site.
I don't hate it because it doesn't make any money.
I hate it because I don't know what the hell it is supposed to be. I don't know what I want out of it or what I'm supposed to get out of it.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be posting. If you're going to say, "whatever you feel like", then know this: I don't want to post stuff not worth reading.
The BGM was added for entertainment. The pictures are for entertainment. The Riccy Rules were initially a guideline but turned to entertainment. The banners were all for entertainment purposes. Yet the posts have remained question marks, because somehow they've never been able to define.
According to this though, they should be entertainment. But then that creates a sick thought: My life is entertainment.
Perhaps I'm looking at it in the wrong way, but the idea of my misfortunes being what brings people joy isn't what I want to portray.
I wanted this post to be about how I'm frustrated with my job, and more so than that, I'm frustrated with the fact my mother is right. That I'm not assertive. I don't force. I don't fight.
And I've always passively accepted that I am a doormat.
Because I am this I often lead myself into hurting myself trying to impress others.
And then the hypocrite I am, get annoyed at others for trying to impress people.
Riccy logic is best logic.
Under my theory that is entertainment.
I can see why everyone else who had tried blogs gave up and let them die. I'd let go, but that'd take being assertive or something.
Maybe now I can finally sleep.
Then again I just posted a bunch of personal thoughts on the internet.
So probably not.
So probably not.
do wat u feel is right even if it means hurting others. atleast then you can say you have tried
ReplyDeleteYou're a wise man.
DeleteI have some serious thinking to do.
sometimes i can be just ask
Deletewill do man, thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou sound depressed :( are you okay?
ReplyDeleteAnd in terms of your blog, it doesn't have to be "entertainment." It can just be sharing something you felt like typing out. Or it can be expression. It can be a venting place. It can be a place to reflect. And then people who care about you can read it and share it with you. Your life isn't "entertainment." It's something that is real and is happening to you and has meaning because you can share it with others.
I hit a bit of a rough patch there, but I should be okay :) Appreciate the worry, but don't worry :)
DeleteAnd with that, though you make good points, I feel like struggling with posts is always going to be a thing for me, I want to make great posts and don't have the lifestyle nor the mental capacity to constantly do either. I suppose I just don't want PTE to be a hole in the wall, but its a blessing in disguise that it is, and is better being, for I feel like if PTE was a big entertainment site, I'd torture myself trying to make better posts and anger people constantly in the mix.
At this point I could "ruin" PTE again anytime and everyone who reads would be like "oop ric's at it again". If there was 10000 people reading it, one change could cause a shitstorm and lose like half of that number which would bother me to no end. And that would make PTE no fun.
That being said PTE's lack of being reworked has to do with me actually liking how it looks for now lol. But it will likely be changed at some random time again. I Dunno ¯\(°_o)/¯